It’s January and I’ve decided to follow my guru, Gretchen Rubin, and make a “19 for 2019” list.
It’s like I’m making 19 resolutions, except I don’t have to throw my hands up at the end of January if I haven’t done them yet, because I have the WHOLE year to put them in place. For some reason, instead of the horrible oppressive feeling I get when I make a New Year’s resolution, I’m feeling inspired by this process. Also, the 19 things can be anything, hard or easy, the only criteria being they have to be things I really want to accomplish. Obviously, the idea is to have some items on the list that are challenging but it’s fine to put some on the list that are easy and fun.
I’ve already done the first thing on my list! Or rather, my husband, Dave, did it, but that counts, right? The first thing on my list was to repair or replace my dresser. That damn dresser has been a pain in the butt since we “inherited” it from our daughter when she left home. The top drawer has always been crap, and I already nailed it together once. The last month or so I haven’t been able to completely close or completely open the drawer, which made it hard to find socks or to search for anything in the drawer underneath. It’s made it easier to make clothing choices, however. Fewer to choose from!
So, after writing down my 19 for 2019 I finally emptied the dresser, putting everything in a laundry basket. I managed to remove the top drawer, which was in three pieces by the time I got it out. Before I went to work the next day I asked Dave to take the dresser out to the curb so it would be out of the way when our cleaning person, Aida, came to work. He sent me a text later in the day saying that Aida had convinced him to fix it instead of tossing it. (Side note: if I had asked him to fix it, I’m pretty sure it would be at the dump by now, but such is the power of Aida’s persuasion!) Sure enough, when I got home it was back in the form it was meant to have, waiting to have all its contents replaced. (It’s still waiting, btw…but I digress). So, I can now cross off one of the 19 things and it feels pretty good! Thanks, Dave!
This idea of making a list of things I’d like to do or change, is rooted in my on-going struggle to make my life better at the micro level. There are aspects of my personality, or habits, (are they one and the same??) that have been irritating me my whole life, I guess. I’m not under any illusion I can change everything and reach perfection, but I’d like to make some improvements. Let’s talk about procrastination. If I come across something that needs doing, just a little something (like replacing all the clothes that you took out of your broken dresser), it’s so easy to say, ugh, I don’t have time now, I’ll do it later. Okay, let’s say it’s not ALL the clothes, just my clean underwear that needs to be put away. How long does it take to do that? 30 seconds? No, ten? So, one of the things on my list is to “Use the one minute rule” (another Gretchen Rubin idea). If something takes less than a minute, do it now! I have been trying to implement that rule for a few months now it’s getting better! Without actually having to remind myself about the rule, I’m doing many things immediately that I would have put off in the past. Yay, me!
Why bother with this sort of thing, anyway? I have never been a particularly neat person, and our house certainly has a “lived-in” feel that I wouldn’t want to lose completely. I will never have plastic on the furniture and everything in place. However, I feel better when the house is not so cluttered. I’m more productive, less distracted and irritated. I’m more zen, for want of a better word.
As I was formulating my list I asked myself, why is it so hard for me to change my habits? Does it have something to do with equating my habits with who I am? Maybe I’m afraid that if I change things that have been a part of me for so long, for good or bad, that I will no longer be recognizable to myself or to my loved ones. Am I still the same person, if I reliably pick up after myself and fold my clothes? If I stick to my guns and refuse to eat out if we have food (or the ingredients to make food), in the house? If I actually use up some of the vast array of condiments in our fridge?? As my friend, Maureen likes to say, “WHO AM I??” whenever she accomplishes something out of the ordinary. It’s not a trivial question.
Maybe the hardest habit to form will be to “Act Independently”. I want to start taking action on things because I want to do them, without reference to anyone else. There are lots of applications for this; deciding how much to eat and drink, without being swayed by others’ choices; standing up for what I believe is right; deciding which charities to support; taking a class; choosing leisure activities. For instance, Dave and I have been married so long that I’ve gotten used to putting him into any plan I’m mulling over. (“I want to go to the museum, I wonder whether Dave wants to go?”). I want to stop missing out on things because of this two-step planning I’ve often done. Just thinking of forming this habit makes me worry that Dave will find it alarming or upsetting, even though we already do things separately quite a lot, so my worry is, no doubt, groundless. Maybe my two-step planning method could be altered as follow: “I’m going to the botanical garden, I wonder whether Dave would like to join me?” Artist Dates (See Julie Cameron’s The Artist’s Way) are one way to practice acting independently since they are supposed to be solo excursions, and that’s one reason I put that on the list, too.
I’m looking forward to forming habits I want to have, crossing things off the list that I really want to do (knit more sweaters! Design stuff!) and keeping things as positive as possible. If I don’t manage all the 19, I’ll just add them to next year’s list, or toss them!
So, here’s the first of many (weekly, gulp!) blog posts in the bag. Looking forward to new challenges in 2019. Happy New Year!
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