I’ve been very touched by all the comments and messages concerning my previous post about Imposter Syndrome. Thank you to everyone who wrote and shared their own experiences. It’s hard to write about these things, but it helps to know I’m not alone and I see that many of you share the same feelings.
It’s been intense lately with the Russian invasion of Ukraine. I’ve been thinking a great deal about the hardships so many innocent people are facing while Putin gets his jollies by sending his troops in, many of whom probably have very little idea of why they’re at war. At the same time, Syria is still suffering, African nations are struggling, and really, who knows how many people are displaced worldwide at the moment. The numbers are astronomical. It makes me wonder why this particular conflict has caused the world to raise its antennae. Is it because Putin has been in the news for years, and been considered armed and dangerous, and possibly crazy, for a long time? That he bears a terrible resemblance to Hitler and many people envision WW lll? Or is it, and I find myself feeling a bit mean-spirited to mention it, but is it because we’re talking about a nation of white people who look just like us?
Believe me, I’m absolutely on the side of Ukraine in this story, even though I know very little about the political reasons (if any) behind this move. I disagree with one country invading another just to satisfy the ego of a mad dictator. Knowing that the climate over there is similar to our own, I can’t help imagining having to leave our house in the dead of winter, to take a small assortment of belongings (Including our dog, Buster) with us to who knows where in order to avoid being blown up or arrested. The weather adds such a huge complication for people who are being displaced. I can’t help thinking, “there, but for the grace of God, go I”. (“Except, I don’t believe in God. I’ve always had difficulty with that expression, first because I don’t believe, and second because if I DID believe, what kind of God would torture a nation of Ukrainians and leave me alone? But, the expression is apt, if you replace God with “Fate” or wtv. “There, but for a quirk of fate, go I” for instance.) It’s all deeply sad and discouraging.
Anyway, back to the nation of white people that we’re all rooting for, down to flooding every monument in blue and yellow light. I just saw some pics and videos on Instagram of some people in Ukraine keeping black people off the trains and buses as they try to escape, because, why? They’re not real Ukrainians?? I was horrified that in this desperate time, people can still find reasons to put themselves first, particularly before people of colour. I don’t know for sure what I would do in that situation, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t shove a black person under the bus so that I could get a seat. I hope not, anyway. I might try to get ahead of someone else in the state of fear that I would be in, but would I gang up on black people? Would I? This is making me wonder. How can I judge someone who is going through what they’re going through? It’s more fear and stress than I’ve ever experienced, that’s for sure. The only real thing I know is that what Putin has done is unspeakably cruel and unethical. The way his victims react to the situation is beside the point, really. There will be people who will lose their moral compass while under this kind of stress and there will be people who will rise to the occasion. I wish I knew what kind I was, but on the other hand, if it takes something like this to find out, maybe not..
A week later: Today, I’m reeling with the latest news that Russia has bombed a maternity hospital in Ukraine. I’m beyond horrified. I know Putin is crazy and ruthless, but what does this actually do for him? Does he hope that if he keeps committing the worst possible atrocities, Ukraine will give up? That must be it. It’s too awful. I don’t know what to hope for. That someone will assassinate Putin? That NATO will get in on the game? That Ukraine will surrender? That doesn’t seem right. Why should they surrender to this mad man? I’m no politico, I don’t know what would help this situation.
I look at this beautiful planet that we’ve been privileged to populate (ok, over-populate), and I’m sad that we’re messing it up so badly. Why can’t we all live and let live? Why is there so much grief, conflict and brutality? To think that there’s probably not another planet in our galaxy with all the right conditions to sustain life and this is how we’re treating it? This may seem like a tangent, but I see it all as one. We thoughtlessly throw away plastic, we drive gas-guzzlers, and every other country is intent on destroying its neighbours. It’s all of a piece, to me. It’s all living with our gaze fixed on our navels.
I was going to write a much lighter piece, after writing three posts on mental health, but how can anyone with a public voice (and, though I have a small readership, it’s still public) not talk about this situation? It’s full of so many dimensions of sadness, that I can’t ignore it, though believe me, I’d love to. I am no hero. I don’t have any real courage, like the people of Ukraine have been forced to find in the depths of their beings—maybe they had no idea it was there—but I still have to say these few pitiful words in protest.
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