When I was about 40 (the first “milestone” birthday that really hit me), I started taking medication daily for a minor condition. I suddenly became very aware that each pill signified one day in my life. Those pills were like the sand particles in an hour glass. As the month’s pills would start to run out I’d get this feeling of dread mixed with sadness; another month of my life, gone. I’m still taking those pills twenty years later and I never think about it that way anymore, thank goodness. It was a little freaky. I guess I have a morbid tendency.
Ten years later, (what is it about milestone birthdays?) I started thinking about the many things that I will probably never do in my lifetime. I realized that I would never waterski, climb mountains, bungi jump, visit Australia, etc, etc. Not that I’ve ever really wanted to do any of those things, (with the possible exception of visiting Australia), but it was the first time it had ever struck me that some chapters in my book were permanently closed. When you’re young you think you’ll have time for everything, then suddenly that time starts to run out. It’s time to prioritize, and how.
As I approach retirement, I’m crossing off pieces I’m playing for the last time. Recently, it was The Hungarian March from the Damnation of Faust, by Berlioz. This ought to be quite momentous, since I’ve been practicing and playing that piece for more than forty years. Well before I played it in concert I had been practicing it for orchestral auditions, because it’s a pretty big trombone excerpt. There’s a very good chance I’ll never play it again, not even once. The odd thing is that I don’t have any particular feeling about it one way or another. It’s just something to observe, like a bird flying by. Huh, I’ll never see that bird again, I bet. There may be pieces closer to my heart that will give me more of a pang. We’ll see. Sometimes I feel relief as this happens. As in, I’ll never HAVE to play that piece again. (cough, Tuba Mirum, cough) That’s the kind of feeling that convinces me I’m doing the right thing in taking what some might call an early retirement.
Why am I taking an early retirement you ask? Firstly, I’m ready to move on to the next chapter in my life (and long may it last!), plus, I feel an urge to be retired while I’m still relatively young and can enjoy the freedom it will give me to try new things (see above list of things I’ll probably never get to). We had our kids young, and that worked out well, so now we’re going to retire “young”* and see how that works out. Hopefully it’ll mean time to write more blog posts!
*(If you want to read about retiring really young, google “Mr. Money Mustache”)
Once more I’m going to post a link to one of my daughter’s videos on Youtube. This one is epic! It’s a “video album” of her second album of original songs and it’s called Dreams. It’s an incredible work, largely produced by her alone, much of it during lockdown. I’m so proud of her! If you enjoy it, please subscribe to her channel and consider buying her album on Bandcamp!
I love to hear from you!