I’ve been noticing lately that all the advertisements and articles that are directed at people who are overly busy, stressed out, working too hard, and never have enough time to relax, etc, more than ever don’t apply to me. In my early years with the orchestra I had two small children who kept me very busy, and my husband, Dave, was away a lot. I was teaching at McGill for a few years during that very busy time, plus serving on committees at the orchestra. I had this feeling that if I was asked to do something, I should accept. Teaching felt like an obligation (to the next generation of trombonists, naturally) , but also, making that extra money was a priority because life with a new house and two kids was expensive. I almost always accepted extra gigs, and, sure enough, when I did, my stress level shot up like crazy.
In the last ten years though, that began to change. I started to simplify my life. I didn’t take most extra gigs, I didn’t teach, and I took full advantage of all my vacation time. I realized that I was stressed out, that I didn’t enjoy being on committees very much, nor teaching. Extra gigs? I didn’t need the money any more, but the young professionals did, so I started saying no to those as well. I enjoyed my days off and guarded them jealously. I began to be a serious knitter, I was writing on my blog and gardening in the summer; I was already getting ready to be a retiree.
Now when I read the tag line on an article that’s supposed to draw me in, about mindfulness, taking time for myself, or how to avoid the hamster wheel of existence, I have this feeling it’s not directed at me. It’s odd, because even during the pandemic, whenever I was working (which was sporadic) I needed some of that advice, but suddenly, not so much. That doesn’t mean meditative practices wouldn’t do me good, it just feels less urgent.
I’m out of the land of the working stiffs and it feels good, but knowing how to prioritize activities in my life is challenging at times. Of course, if I don’t get to something today, there’s always tomorrow. That might be an illusion, since my tomorrows are finite, but it’s a comforting illusion. I’m learning that setting short term goals for myself, which I’ve always found difficult if not pointless to do, is actually quite useful. For instance, I told myself I’d knit Dave a pair of socks with my knitting machine, by January 1st, and I got one finished today, so I should be able to get the other one done in five days right? It’ll take me another five hours, no problem! (Update: I got them done!) It feels a bit absurd, setting myself these goals, since nobody is watching or waiting for whatever it is, but it feels important, because drifting along without aims or goals seems dangerous. It can contribute, I’m sensing, to a general malaise, a listlessness about life that I don’t want to experience if I can avoid it.
All this is going through my head as we head into a new year. 2022, it sounds odd, doesn’t it? Every year that flips over sounds strange to our ears for a few weeks, then we get used to it. Back in the day when people wrote cheques ( I still write a few), it would take a while to start getting the year right, first try. I’m feeling hopeful about the year coming up, though I might be deluded, with all the dire things happening. However, we have a 5-month-old grandson and I’m determined to be hopeful. I’m excited to expand on the new interests I have, and to find new ones as the year goes along. I want to watch Iggy reach out for new things all the time and discover the world, for better…and for worse.
I wish you all the very best for 2022. I know 2021 was kind of crappy in general (not for me, though!), so I hope things will improve. Covid will peter out; people will realize that war is stupid and vow never to do it anymore; the arts will take the front seat they deserve and governments will fund them to the hilt; poor people will finally start making a living wage so nobody will starve; racism will disappear miraculously; women will start making as much as men for the same jobs; and everyone will start taking climate change seriously, even above the bottom line. You know, all the good stuff will happen! Happy New Year, everybody!
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