The old adage goes, “Youth is wasted on the young.” (I thought it was Oscar Wilde, but after a tiny bit of googling I found out it was more likely George Bernard Shaw, which you can read about here.) I’ve always loved that quote and admired the wit behind it. It evokes so much in a few words, and it says a lot about perspective.
That quote reminds me that the condition of being young, which most of society reveres and some older people talk about with nostalgia, goes largely unappreciated by everyone while going through it. Are young people cognizant of the energy, looks, and health they are naturally endowed with? Not really. Energy and health they take for granted, looks they often doubt–even the proof in the mirror.
There are always gems hidden in plain sight in a Joni Mitchell song. Here’s one:
People will tell you where they’ve gone
they’ll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know…
Ameila by Joni Mitchell
That’s what it’s like to survive youth and make it into adulthood. No matter what older people tell you about what they’ve done and where they’ve gone, and of course what you should do, it only makes surface sense until you get there yourself. Thus, one of the biggest benefits of adulthood is gaining perspective.
What does that mean in concrete terms? Here’s a story to illustrate. When I first had my daughter, Erica, I thought everything that was happening was alarming and every decision I made was vital to her eventual health and well being. For instance, I was absolutely dead set on nursing her despite going through awful breast infections, during which a doctor informed me that I couldn’t breastfeed while on the antibiotics he prescribed. I chose to pump my milk for two weeks and dump it down the sink, rather than change her over permanently to formula. Luckily, her pediatrician corrected the previous doctor’s advice, so I was able to continue breastfeeding after only a couple of days. I despaired at that breast infection ever going away, but it did and I breastfed Erica for 14 months. Now, if someone I knew were going through a similar ordeal I’d say, go ahead and use formula–they grow up and move on and it doesn’t really matter! In fact, just three years later, with my son, Travis, I happily fed him both breast milk and formula from about three months because my circumstances were different plus I had a little more perspective. When he decided to wean himself at 10 months, I took it philosophically.
Like I said, I would tell a young mother to do what I didn’t do, which is give up on breastfeeding, but I wouldn’t really expect her to listen. If my advice coincided with her feelings on the matter, maybe she would, but I do remember the iron resolution in my heart to continue to breastfeed come hell or high water. You can’t talk a person out of that kind of commitment, and maybe that’s just fine. People have to learn in their own way, and sometimes that’s only by experience. I don’t regret my decision, I’m just saying there’s more than one way to do things, and often they pretty much come to the same place. Like Joni says, until you get there yourself, you never really know.
Here’s a lovely song, written and performed by that lovely daughter, Erica Lee Martin, who grew up, despite all our misguided decisions and flailing about.
I love to hear from you!