If you’ve read my previous post on this issue, you know that I’ve had recurring sleep issues at various times in my life and since perimenopause (i.e. around age 45) they’ve been pretty consistent. Consistently inconsistent, you might say. In this post I want to discuss the challenges of following what the sleep experts say will help me get a good night’s sleep. Most of the prevailing wisdom I’ve read many times, so I don’t have to look these up. Here they are:
Have a consistent bed time. I’m not doing all that badly with this on the whole. I usually get to bed between 11 and 11:30, but it can also vary pretty widely. I feel like if I put my mind to it, I could fulfill this prerequisite.
Get up at the same time every day. This one is also within the range of possibility. The nights when I don’t get enough sleep and I don’t have to work the next day are the mornings when I am sorely tempted (and generally give in) to sleep in, if my body lets me. All things being equal, I tend to get up between 7:30 and 8:30. Is that close to the same time?
Avoid caffeine after noon, or (even) give up caffeine. I love my morning coffee and my afternoon tea. I try to avoid drinking caffeinated beverages in the late afternoon, but sometimes the pull of that 4 pm cuppa is so strong! I only drink one fully caffeinated coffee a day max, and sometimes a half-caf, but that four o’clock tea urge is strong in this one. That might be an issue.
Avoid alcohol, especially close to bedtime. For the last month I’ve cut down on my alcohol intake drastically. For most of the pandemic (and largely before that, TBH) Dave and I have been daily drinkers, so this has been a big change in our routines. No more ritualized 5 pm cocktails, no more regularly sharing bottles of wine over dinner. Many days I’ve drunk no alcohol, other days one or two max. It’s been good, especially to know that I can do it! However, it has not translated into more sleep, to my chagrin. If anything I have a harder time getting to sleep, though they say that your sleep is of better quality without alcohol in your system. It’s really hard to tell when you’re short on it.
Get out of bed if you haven’t slept in the first 30 minutes. The idea here is that you don’t want to associate your bed with anything other than sleeping (and sex). You shouldn’t read, look at your phone, or anything except turn out the light and shut your eyes. So, if you’ve dutifully done that and you still can’t sleep you’re to get up and do something calming until you’re actually sleepy. Once you’re back in bed, if still can’t sleep, you’re meant to get up again after 20-30 minutes, and repeat as many times as it takes. This one is really hard for me. I love reading, doing crosswords, or playing scrabble (online) in bed before I turn out the light. I have the feeling that it relaxes me, but apparently it’s just giving my brain the wrong signal. Also, I rarely feel like getting up if I haven’t slept and it almost always takes me way more than 30 minutes to fall asleep. Dragging myself out of bed again and again? UGH!! This one is a challenge.
Don’t look at screens for at least an hour before bedtime This one is possible. I can do it, I just haven’t been consistent with it yet.
Make sure your room is as dark as possible. I generally use a sleep mask, so this is under control.
Don’t eat a large meal too late in the evening. We eat pretty early and I rarely go to bed with a full stomach, so this is not an issue for me usually.
So, to sum up, my challenges are with keeping caffeine to a minimum, getting out of bed if I haven’t slept in thirty minutes, and I definitely could improve on the screen issue. I could be stricter about bedtimes and waking times, too.
A side effect of having a sleep issue is the burden of guilt I feel, that this must be something that’s within my control if I can only be disciplined enough. Even well-meaning people tend to reinforce this belief, by suggesting fixes, like any or all of the above, plus teas that are sworn to be soporific, homeopathic medications, etc, I’ve tried them all at one point or other. I take melatonin almost every night; doesn’t seem to help but I still take it. I have a prescription for clonazepam, which my doctor gives me quite stingily so I can’t rely on it, nor do I want to. It’s the only thing that I can take that actually does put me to sleep (it might take an hour, but it always works), but it’s supposed to be addictive so I have to keep it for emergencies.
It’s surprisingly hard to do all the things that are supposed to help. You’d think that insomnia would be enough of an incentive, but the problem is that nothing is guaranteed. Nevertheless, I want to try to be consistent with all these things for long enough to decide whether they’re helping or not. If not, I can let them go and accept my fate. And at least then I get to read in bed with a clear conscience.
Writing the above several days ago seems to have galvanized me into trying some of the more challenging (for me) methods of improving sleep. For the last two nights I’ve avoided reading or having my cell phone in bed with me before turning out the light. Both nights I found myself awake after 30 minutes so I dutifully got up and went to the living room to read until I felt properly sleepy. I then fell asleep within a reasonable amount of time. I count that as a moderate success story. I will report back. If you have your own issues with sleep, please comment below. Misery loves company!
Enjoy Sarah Vaughn in this great song, Black Coffee.
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