Every time I start a blog post in the last two months I make a good start, but by the next news cycle or after I watch something educational and meaningful about Black Lives, I have to delete so much that I give up. I can’t keep ahead of what’s happening, either outside or inside myself. I can’t even stay current. I know that I’ve become a lot more aware of my hidden white fragility (to use a term coined by Robin Diangelo and which is already becoming a meme, I’m sure.) and unsettling racist ideas. I feel that progress has been made however, because I am less embarrassed to admit it. I used to feel ashamed about these hidden fears and biases but now, because I’ve talked about them, they seem to have lessened. It’s like the bogey man came out of the closet and turned out to be an empty old suit. Some of these racist ideas I didn’t recognize as racist, really. Yes, I would be afraid when passing a black man at night, but I told myself that I’m nervous passing any man when alone at night. However, that heightened anxiety told me I was holding a racist bias against what in all probability was just an innocent man walking down the road, trying not to look scary. A lot of things like that. Things I never really wanted to examine before, and in fact, pushed aside, but now I can’t, nor do I want to.
So, yes, it’s been a period of growing self-understanding and I’m grateful for that. I wish so many innocent black people hadn’t had to die in order for me to wake up enough to do that work. For that I’m still sad and ashamed. Not only for myself but for all of us privileged people who preferred the bubble. Yes, I mean us white people. We need to use our privilege for good instead of evil from now on, because we never earned it and we don’t deserve it, so it’s our duty to share it.
I’ve been meaning to do a lot of reading, but what I end up doing is watching podcasts and shows hosted by black people. One of my favourites is Evelyn from the Internets. She’s a comedian, a Youtube personality, and she makes her living on the internet, though not just on Youtube. She’s a smart cookie, very funny and talks about a lot of things that anybody (okay, there I go again, I mean, any white person) might talk about on a podcast, but because she’s black she has a different angle for the same subjects and I find it eye opening and life affirming. Highly recommend.
I love watching Trevor Noah, for many of the same reasons, i.e. funny, engaging, and smart. Very perceptive, etc. Can’t get enough. Also recommend his memoir: Born a Crime. Incredible story of his early life.
I just discovered a Youtube podcast called For Harriet. I’ve only watched one episode, but I loved it. If you read the About section on the Channel page it says: ‘For Harriet is a Black feminist community (open to all but centering on the needs and experiences of Black women) that features creative work meant to move critical conversations forward.’ I have to watch more to be sure, but I think it involves a bunch of different contributors. Check it out! (I’m ashamed to say it took me a minute or two to figure out who Harriet was. I’ll give you a break in case you are having the same difficulty, though I doubt many would be as slow as me. Harriet Tubman, is I think who they are referring to.)
As you can see, I have a ways to go in my learning deficit about Black Culture and history. I will soon start reading.. My problem is that I often listen to audible books so I can knit at the same time, but I recently canceled my Audible subscription in my ongoing attempt to boycott Amazon, so I have to get my audible books elsewhere. I just got White Fragility (audible version) from the library, but I need to read some black authors, and I’m thinking of starting with Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye, or one of James Baldwin’s books. So much to learn!
This is Evelyn’s take on BLM, etc and it’s pithy and short. Very worth your time.
I can’t stop myself, I’m going to end with another recommendation for you: it’s a music video by my daughter, Erica Lee Martin.(does this sound familiar??). I’m particularly in love with it, for a few reasons: A) great song, B) great, inventive video about a patio, filmed entirely in a small London apartment(!!) C) I have a cameo.
Enjoy!!
I love to hear from you!