So, we’re in November, 8 months after the onset of the pandemic, (the Covid babies should be almost ripe) and we’re still in it. We have to get through the winter somehow and it’s not going to be easy up here in the Frozen North. I have a feeling I’m not alone in finding the lack of light worse than the lack of warmth. Walking outside when it’s cold (but not crazy cold) is pretty enjoyable if you have the right clothes on, and the winter light can be beautiful…there’s just not enough of it. When it’s 1 pm and...
Satin Doll
November 5, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
It’s spring, 2007. I wander up St-Laurent looking for the bar I’ve been told is “really hard to find”, and stare intently at each shop face hoping the names will tell me something. It’s above Duluth, I know that much. I take out my cell phone for inspiration, when suddenly a band starts up and it’s coming from a door not 10 feet away. Aha! I open the door and walk in. It’s a drinking hole devoid of charm. It’s a bare essentials place: low ceilings, long bar, some waist-height tables with stools, one pool table, one 16-inch TV; photos...
The Last Times
October 29, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
When I was about 40 (the first “milestone” birthday that really hit me), I started taking medication daily for a minor condition. I suddenly became very aware that each pill signified one day in my life. Those pills were like the sand particles in an hour glass. As the month’s pills would start to run out I’d get this feeling of dread mixed with sadness; another month of my life, gone. I’m still taking those pills twenty years later and I never think about it that way anymore, thank goodness. It was a little freaky. I guess I have a...
To Sleep or Not to Sleep
August 17, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
I have always had an uneasy relationship with sleep. Even as a child I used to have wakeful nights, especially after a bad dream (there was a recurring one about an abominable snowman that was particularly terrifying). For several nights after an especially vivid dream I would have trouble getting to sleep. In the room that I had to myself after my eldest sister moved out, probably when I was 8 or 9, there were two single beds. I discovered that I could dispel the demons from the bad dream by moving over to the other bed. I used that...
Waking up
July 13, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
Every time I start a blog post in the last two months I make a good start, but by the next news cycle or after I watch something educational and meaningful about Black Lives, I have to delete so much that I give up. I can’t keep ahead of what’s happening, either outside or inside myself. I can’t even stay current. I know that I’ve become a lot more aware of my hidden white fragility (to use a term coined by Robin Diangelo and which is already becoming a meme, I’m sure.) and unsettling racist ideas. I feel that progress...
Monty Chronicles, Part II, quirks
May 23, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
When Dave and I want to watch TV in the basement nowadays, I have to carry Monty down the stairs to join us, because he can’t handle the stairs anymore. My guess is that he’s afraid of falling because he can’t see where he’s going. I believe his eyesight has deteriorated even since the covid-19 crisis started (two months ago, in case anyone’s counting). I’ve noticed a little white patch on his left eye that I swear wasn’t there before. So, now he’s living in a very dim world, as I imagine it. He can’t hear, and now he can...
The Monty Chronicles, Part 1
May 9, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
Living with an old dog is a bit like living with a puppy, without all the exuberant energy and exercise demands. In other words, Monty is quiet, needs little to no exercise and really doesn’t know when or where he should be relieving himself. For a long time we simply cleaned up after his little accidents, and tried to head them off by putting him outside more often, but that was stressful, especially for my friend and neighbour, Maureen, (who often babysat Monty when we were out), since she’s on the upper floor, and the outside isn’t as easy to...
Take it easy
May 3, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
I’ve been reading some interesting posts about how to handle the isolation etc, brought on by Covid-19. Yes, there are lots of people advocating being super productive during this “free” time, and that’s great for them, but I related way more to the person who wrote this post. In a nutshell he says it’s okay to simply come out the other end in one piece. I agree wholeheartedly. I’m not in the worst possible shape on whatever scale you’d like to draw, but I’m not in the best either. As I’ve said in earlier posts, it’s a yoyo situation. One...
A Day at a time
April 24, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
Ever start the day off well and then start nose-diving? Me, too!
The daily Yoyo
April 12, 2020June 5, 2023By Vivian Lee
Yesterday I had a great day. I had slept well and dove into all my chores and projects with a good will. I gave myself a pat on the back that I was getting my daily walk, doing some yoga and pilates and other stretches, practicing a bit, doing some baking, and basically keeping it together. But, by bedtime an uneasy, unfulfilled feeling took over me and I had the distinct impression I had missed something during the day. It was a feeling of, is that all there is? Today I woke up and after only a minute I could...